Things That We Stuck In There

For your reading pleasure, published without judgement, the 2021 list of things that Americans got stuck so far up their asses that they had to go to the doctor to have them removed.

The list is sourced from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits

BOTTLE CAP

PLASTIC SODA BOTTLE

“WAS ‘JOKING AROUND WITH FRIENDS’ WHEN JOKE WAS TAKEN TOO FAR AND A CAN WAS PUT INTO HIS RECTUM”

CLICK GEL PEN

BRONZE HANDLE OF A TOOL

2 BATTERIES

GLUE BOTTLE

“WENT TO SIT DOWN IN THE BATHTUB AND SAT ON A PLASTIC BOTTLE OF BUBBLE BATH THAT WENT INTO HIS RECTUM”

FLATHEAD SCREWDRIVER

PHILLIPS HEAD SCREWDRIVER

TOOTHBRUSH CASE

PUMP ACTION PLASTIC ALCOHOL DISPENSER

BAR OF SOAP

ROLLING PIN

“STATES HE AND HIS WIFE WERE HAVING SEX WHEN SHE PLACED A RUBBER PENIS IN HIS RECTUM AND IT BROKE OFF”

“STUCK PLASTIC TOILET PAPER HOLDER IN RECTUM DURING SEXUAL ENCOUNTER W/ PARTNER WHILE INTOXICATED”

“REPORTS WAS ‘PLAYING WITH MY WIFE’ WHEN THE CAP OF AN AEROSOL CAN BECAME DISLODGED & STUCK IN HIS RECTUM”

RUBBER BALL

SQUISHY BALL

STRESS BALL

BILLIARD BALL

“PT STATES WAS ATTEMPTING TO HOLD A BALL IN GLUTEAL FOLD & BELIEVES GOT LOST. NOT 100% THAT BALL IS IN RECTUM”

TOY DINOSAUR

TOY ROCKET

PUZZLE PIECES

“SOME MARBLES”

HEXBUG ROBOTIC TOY

“STATES HE AND HIS FRIENDS HAD A PRACTICAL JOKE GOING ON EACH OTHER. THIS TIME, HE WAS SLEEPING WHEN HIS FRIEND PUT A DILDO IN HIS RECTUM AND NOW UNABLE TO GET IT OUT”

SHAMPOO BOTTLE

LOTION BOTTLE

HAIRSPRAY

“HAVING TROUBLE GOING POOP SO HE PLACED A MECHANICAL PENCIL IN HIS RECTUM. PT NOW UNABLE TO REMOVE. PENCIL IS STICKING OUT.”

MAGIC DICE

HEAD OF ACTION FIGURE

TWEEZERS

SCISSOR TONGS

TOWEL WITH A SOCK OVER IT & GLOVE OVER THE SOCK

AXE BODY SPRAY

12? KNIFE HANDLE-FIRST

“WAS DRINKING WITH FRIENDS AND BELIEVES THAT HE MAY HAVE PLACED A NICKEL AND A DIME INTO HIS RECTUM.”

LIGHT BULB

GRASS AND GOLF TEE

CARROT

LOTTERY TICKET

“FOREIGN BODY IN HIS RECTUM. HE STATES HE ‘BELIEVES IT IS A VAPE’ AND IS NOT ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS.”

Truck Eating Bridge

There is a bridge down in Durham, NC whose formal name is the Norfolk Southern-Gregson Avenue Bridge. But for many in the area, it is called the “Can Opener Bridge” or the “Truck Eating Bridge”. The reason for this is that the bridge is really low, measuring 11’ 8” clearance because there are train tracks above it, so it can’t be raised, and a sewer only 4’ below grade, so the road can’t be dug out or lowered. And because of this, we have a situation. An enterprising person back in 2009 decided to hook up video cameras at the intersection to document the, on average, once a month accident that occours when a novice truck driver is not paying attention and plows right into the overpass, thus turning their truck into a sardene can. I don’t care if I’m late to the party on this. This is just fantastic stuff.

This is a video of a moving truck that gets completely destroyed trying to go under the bridge:

This is a compilation of multiple accidents at the bridge

This is complete internet gold. I could watch this all day.

The full YouTube Channel is YoVo68 and you can see a full detail of the bridge and the videos at 11foot8.com

Road To Nowhere

Back in the 1980’s, there was a big push to switch the US to the metric system (an initiative I vaguely remember). Way down in southern Arizona, the politicos back then took the initiative to switch over Highway 19 south of Tucson to the metric system in anticipation of the country’s full conversion. Yes, we’re all still waiting for the country to switch over and 30+ years on, this stretch of highway is the only road in the US that is measured with the metric system.

That made sense in 1980, when I-19’s signs first went up and when U.S. was near the peak of its flirtation with the metric system. Five years earlier, President Ford had signed the Metric Conversion Act, declaring the metric system “the preferred system of weights and measures for United States trade and commerce” and establishing United States Metric Board to guide the conversion. Schoolchildren dutifully learned their kilograms and centimeters.

But the Metric Conversion Act was only voluntary, and there was far too much inertia to change every single label in the country voluntarily. Reagan disbanded the Metric Board in 1982. Instead of leading the charge into brave new metric system, Arizona’s highway is a reminder of a failed experiment.

Ironically, Arizona is now trying to switch the road back to miles however it is stuck in political red tape. Ah, progress!

Source: via Factually Gizmodo

Call In Sick

This is just so amazingly simple and obvious, it’s brilliant. Call-in-Sick.com enables you to call in sick to your boss/employer at any time and assign when it should be delivered and to who/what phone number. So you can record your message on Thursday evening and then have it delivered at 6AM Friday morning while you are sleeping the morning away.

PBR

Seen outside a bar in Manhattan’s Hell’s Kitchen/Clinton neighborhood today:

Fixed Income Special
8AM-4PM Pabst’s Blue Ribbon – $1.25

If you have to ask whether the deal was for cans or bottles, then you just don’t know… PBR at 8AM…now that’s dedication. I would have taken a photo but I was driving.